yescomply

Congratulations to me… I started blog, what did you do today? Went to work? Okay, good answer. I’m going to work, later, at the Miami Improv. Exciting, right? Yeah, I work there, at a comedy club… as a server. We’re not even called waiters. That’s demeaning. I guess I’d rather serve than wait. Slaves serve. Prisoners wait. That makes you a prisoner, because you’re waiting… for me to say something interesting. And by “say,” I mean “type.” And by “type,” I mean “keyboard.” I learned the first week in high school that when you use a computer, you’re not “typing,” you’re “keyboarding,” because you use a keyboard, not a typewriter.

Now that I’ve bored the pants off you (please keep your pants on, it’s not that kind of blog), I will make a promise to you: every day I write, I will give you at least one fact. Today’s fact is a little something I picked up from Full House:
When one of the girls, probably DJ, that slut, sneaks out of the house on a school night to be with a boy, Aunt Becky covers for her, but Danny gets wise, and asks Becky, “do you know something I don’t know?” She responds, “the gestation period of an elephant is 22 months,” (Wikipedia, the source for all that is true, has confirmed it). “Actually, I did know that,” is Danny Tanner’s reply. Dude knows a lot. When Uncle Jesse failed his driver’s test, he comments, “like any actually knows how far away you have to park from train tracks.” It turns out that both Danny and Uncle Joey knew the answer. They recited it at the same time, and audience erupted with laughter. I don’t remember the answer, but I’m pretty sure it’s a car’s length away.

Maybe if I just recite Full House jokes, you guys will return to read my blog. Please do. I haven’t watched Full House in years, but I’m pretty sure it’s on TV Land or Nick at Nite (that makes me feel old). I can watch it and tell you all about it. Or not. Most likely not. But please come back and read more. Wait, one more fact about Full House. One of the Olsen twins is actually two inches tall than the other. Guess which one. That’s right. The one who has trouble getting onto roller coasters without platform shoes. You must be this tall to… eat food. You must be this tall to… (insert naked Heath Ledger joke? Too soon? Okay). Hey, do you think she ended up seeing the Dark Knight? Probably, right? Just because the Joker died, naked, in her bed wouldn’t stop her from seeing it, right? All the more reason to go.

Goodnight, Moon.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS