yescomply

I punched my computer in the back of his face. It’s a laptop. So he went down fast. He closed right up. Good. He’s a doo-doo head.

I’ve been having troubles with him all week. I uninstalled some program that kept giving me problems… it was an anti-virus program. Then I tried to re-install it… turns out that when I reinstalled it, it gave me a virus. Then Windows found this program which it automatically installed for security reasons. It tried to update it… but forced me to buy it first. Which would’ve been fine except that for security purposes (to keep myself from doing further damage), I wasn’t allowed to access the internet… this is worse than HAL 9000. We created a monster out of these computers, and they have created a dependent monster out of us.

News is weird. If you heard that Lady Lohan was going out with a Lady DJ, would you believe it? If you heard that Will Smith’s son, Jaden, is going to star in a remake of the Karate Kid, would you believe it? You have to. The most absurd news are always the most true. If the Jackson 5 are having a reunion tour, and Michael isn’t going to be there, do they have to change their name to the Jackson 4? Because that would just look stupid. It’s one of the concerts to look forward to… but only if Janet’s there, too.

Aside from California banning gay marriage, which doesn’t even make sense (why would you go out of your way to keep somebody from being happy?), yesterday was quite a victorious day for Americans everywhere, whether they realize it or not. I hate the traditional stigma that comes with politics, but that’s why I’ve supported Obama since ’04. You might remind me that I didn’t even vote, but one can do a lot more than vote, to be a part of this momentous occasion.

I voted for Obama when he ran for Senate, so yeah, I voted for change… before the rest of the country had an opportunity to. And when Dick Durbin introduced Obama, 4 years ago, as the next President of the
United States, I believed him.

I live in
Florida, but I don’t have proof that I’ve lived here for over a year, so I can’t vote here. I could’ve sent in my absentee ballot to
Illinois, but absentee ballots have never been counted in a Presidential election. Instead, what I did for the campaign was more subtle. When I lived with Obama-bashing Conservatives for a year, I told them, during the Democratic nominations, and ever since, that Obama was going to win… they refuted this time and again, but I always held up my stance. Guess what, for once, I was right. Every time, and this happened more than you’d ever realize, every time something ignorant or false was said about him, I defended the truth. He’s not a Muslim. He doesn’t pray to Reverend Wright. He’s not a n—-r. And guess what, he is qualified. Harvard Law? Ever heard of it? No.

For once, my team won the Super Bowl, or the World Series, but bigger, much bigger. I haven’t been part of a winning team since for many many years.

This election has renewed my belief in things I gave up on as a teenager; politics and
America. Now when other countries look at us, there won’t be this image of a war hungry
America, or one run by corporate interest.

After hearing the official news that Obama had won, I turned from CNN to Fox News. It was quiet. It was reminiscent of when the Cubs swept the Sox, and the Sox announcers didn’t say a word for several moments. It felt good.

I feel like Michelle Obama: this is the first time I’ve been proud to my country. Perhaps this will change my whole outlook on things. I did get up this morning, and I did teach myself how to juggle, how to be a mime and I even went for a run. I haven’t done anything this pro-active in years.

I woke up, and the song, “Red Rubber Ball,” by Cyrkle, was in my head.

“I think it’s gonna be alright. Yes, the worst is over now…”

You cant beat a guy who is so educated yet so down to Earth. He’s getting his daughters a puppy. Come on, I’d vote or him just for that.

When I was in high school, during the worst and earliest of the W years, I was in a few punk bands, and the common theme of many of our songs was about how the President is decimating the quality of life of many while helping out those few who need it least. I can’t imagine what kind of band I would be in if I was just getting into high school now. Probably a polka band. They’re always upbeat.

Good night, Moon

Pending some latent symptoms, it appears that I have beat the rabies. Of course, it was a case of self-diagnosis, but when you play with a stray cat for several hours over the course of many days, you run the risk of catching any number of diseases. When that same cat breaks your skin, with many a-sharp nails, that risk increases.
But it seems I’m clean. The only sickness I have is Election Fever. That’s right. I’m burning up. I’m chain smoking candy cigarettes and chuggin’ down cups of coffee-flavored vitamin water.
I was relieved to find out that Kentucky went to McCain. No offense to the people in Kentucky, but we on the Left have survived without you for centuries. More than anything, I want Obama to win, but there are certain states that I don’t want associated with the Blue I’ve been wearing all day… in support of Democracy (and the Smurfs).
These states include, but are not limited to:
The Sweet Carolinas
The nation of Texas
Alaska
South Dakota, Dakota Jr. and Dakota Fanning
The Altered State
Misery
Canada
and last, and probably least, the great State and Potatoes of Idaho.

Yes, who da ho. I know, it’s funny. So is putting your own name on the ballot and voting for yourself. “And coming up fourth in the polls behind Obama, McCain and Nader, representing the ‘I didn’t get Invited’ party, Phil McCracken.”
Don’t worry Phil, you’re bound to be elected eventually. Try Alaska. They’ll vote for anyone… and I hear there’s a vacancy.

I went to the store for two simple things. Eggs and milk. I just got home, and I have the milk, 2%, but I also have a pumpkin spiced egg nog, 3 bags of candy, a burrito and some sort of rabies. Baby rabies, not full blown rabies.
Allow me to explain:
The pumpkin spiced egg nog was on the shelf next to the milk. It was the last one. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in my life. I love pumpkin, I love egg, and I sure as hell love me some nog. This way, I justified it: I got the eggs, just in nog form.
The candy is still half off. YES!
The burrito I bought at taco bell, because I left Walgrees, and realized that I had not purchased any food which I could eat for lunch. I hate taco bell, but I love going there. It’s like revisiting a real complex film. Every time you see something new. Whether it’s disgruntled employees that have run out of options, or disgruntled patrons who want to spend the 20 free minutes they have all day dedicated to eating their Grade D meat and three-fried, refried beans in peace, not on their cell phone with their wives – who they obviously beat on a regular basis (clearly, they’ve run all out of options too).
Today I learned there is a healthy option on the taco bell menu, The Fresco Menu. I know, I know. It’s funny. 9 items under 9 grams of fat. Interesting concept. It’s basically the same old TB menu that we’ve come to hate, but with less beans and more lettuce and tomatoes. Also, in a smaller, more reasonable portion. But if you eat half a dozen of them, the low-fat really doesn’t even matter.
Here are a list of 9 other foods I’d rather eat (all of which are under 9 grams of fat).

My hat.
A mouthful of cat hair.
9 tic tacs (totally 9 calories. Beat that, corporate Mexican food).
A lifetime supply of Tootsie Rolls (as always, a fat free food)
10 fingernails, and 8 toenails (big toes, you don’t want to venture there).
One of those 6 subs from Subway
Butter-less rice krispie treats (screw it, I’ll just eat the marshmallows).
Hardee’s Monster Thickburger (coming in at 1420 calories, it’s not under 9 grams of fat, but it is just barely under 109 grams of fat).

There were a few more things on the list… but I ate them. I’m hungry. I should’ve bought those eggs.
(to find out about the baby rabies, come back tomorrow)

Today is the 2nd best day of the year, behind the day after Christmas (not only do all the toys go on sale, but it’s the maximum number of days until you have to start buying X-mas gifts again). Today’s the day all the candy in America goes on sale! YAY! Who wants whoppers? Peanut butter cups? Candy Corn? I sure as hell do. I know it’s not fair, because when you’re younger, you get the candy for free. The kids are definitely a strain on the capitalist system. But we tax-paying, candy-buying adults, today is our Halloween. All the candy is still fresh, but now it’s only half off.
Didn’t get any Nutrageous at the office party? Go out and buy some you fat mess.
All the trick or treaters took your peanut M&Ms? Walk your big bones over to walgreens and drown yourself in the buy one get one free aisle.
If only there were deals like this all year round. Like the day after the Sopranos went off he air, all TVs should’ve been half-off.
The 5th of July should be national Explosion day. I mean, those firecrackers ain’t gonna be any good come next year. Be patriotic now. No way to show your affection for American than by pissing off your immigrant neighbors.
The day after Columbus day, should have buy 2 get one free sails on Boats. Buy the Nina and the Pinta, we’ll throw in the Santa Maria free.
After President’s day, we should all get to screw prostitutes half off (seeing how the President is screwing us for free).
After the Indy 500, we should all get a free gallon of gas. That or the next race should be only 400 laps. Deal.
I’m off to steal me half a bag of Almond Joys. I’ll pay for the other half, knowing that this bag’s for me… not those free-loading kids dressed up as ghosts or doctors or Irishman or teachers. My candy.

Goodnight, moon